I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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