I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
