Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
should my penis look like a turkey
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
