WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
