obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
