Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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