I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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