her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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