i permit you to call me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
