I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
