You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize