Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
