I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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