I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
