The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
