I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
