I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
