Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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