if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think your dad took our porno
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
