when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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