im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize