I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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