I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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