To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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