so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
