Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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