So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
