did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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