I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize