Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
