watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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