then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
