Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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