the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
