I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
