is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
