Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
