i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
