You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
