at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
