Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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