Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
