new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
