she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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