We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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