I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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