when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
