I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
