1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
