she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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