life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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