You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
