Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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