Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
