Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
