Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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