the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
