dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
