1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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