its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
