ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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