just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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