: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize