why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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