I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
