if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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