It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
