i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
