Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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