Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
