Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
