Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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