shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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