upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
