so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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