she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
