We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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